


I see you lying next to me,

by waitfor_it



Series: projecting [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Borderline Personality Disorder, Diabetes, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 17:16:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16685779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitfor_it/pseuds/waitfor_it
Summary: “Alexander,” he spoke, voice soft.Silence, save the return of the cgm alert.“Alex, your sugar is low,”





	I see you lying next to me,

Aaron woke up to the incessant beeping from Alexander's cgm, sitting on the bedside table. It went off in three successive tones, then remained silent for a moment. Alexander beside him didn't stir, didn't show any sign of awakening. 

 

Burr turned over, arm draping over his waist. The sheets clung to him, he was drenched in sweat and shivering ever so slightly. 

 

“Alexander,” he spoke, voice soft. 

 

Silence, save the return of the cgm alert. 

 

“Alex, your sugar is low,”

 

“Hm,” Alexander hummed, jerking his shoulder to shove his partner off. 

 

“You need me to bring you something?” Aaron asked. He shifted to get out of bed, but Alexander's words floored him. 

 

“No.”

 

Alexander struggled with taking care of his diabetes, that's why Burr damned the expense and dropped a few grand on the meter, and the monthly payments that came along with it. It seemed to help, but only because his pump could make decisions without his approval with the cgm, he paid no mind to it, just silenced the alarms and charged it in the shower. That's all he could manage, he told Burr. 

 

It'd been a few months with the cgm, and Alexander's doctor saw a difference in his a1c levels, reduced from 12.3% to 9.4%. He withdrew his recommendation for hospitalization, which Alexander begged and cried the entire way home not to send him away, not to give up on him when the doctor mentioned hospitalization as an option last visit. 

 

He was improving, but he still had his bad days. 

 

“Toast or Juice?” Toast if he wasn't too nauseous, Aaron remembered that much. 

 

Alex shifted, heavy eyelids opening slowly and closing just as soon as they opened. “I don't want to eat anything, I'll just unplug my pump.”

 

“That's not smart, Alex, you'll spike.” 

 

“I'll plug it back in after I hear my cgm go off.”

 

“Alex, if you don't eat you're going to have a seizure,” he said gently, hand pressing against his sweaty, tangled locks. Alexander shook harder, moving his hand. “please, if you won't get up, I'll bring you something. Just — please eat.”

 

Alexander turned over, looking into Aaron's begging, pleading eyes. He said nothing for a short moment, just maintained eye contact. With a sigh, he started pulling himself up from the bed. “Okay, okay,”

 

“Thank you,” Aaron whispered, going pressing a kiss to his forehead. Alexander stopped him before his lips made contact with clammy skin. 

 

“Don't, no touch,” he spoke, voice dry. 

 

Aaron stepped back, gave him space. Irritability is something that came with low blood sugars, but it still stung to be rejected like that.

 

“I want juice.” Alexander said. He opened the door and started walking. His steps were out of place and he was walking in a zigzag line he was so dizzy. Burr was worried, of course, but he smiled with fondness and trailed behind. 

 

In the light of the kitchen, it was evident that the color had drained from his face, and without touching him he could see the sweat glistening off his skin. He shook and his breath was heavy. He moved frantically. 

 

Alexander was infuriating. Infuriating most of the time, at least. He was stubborn, he was pessimistic, and he was rigid. Aaron loved him, though, and wouldn't change anything about his Alexander. From the way he trudged to the fridge and pulled out the orange juice — pulp free, he insisted — to the way he plopped down into the chair and drank directly from the jug. Had they not been dating, it would have been gross, would have made Aaron furious.

 

But when you swap enough spit with someone, drinking after them isn't as bad. He sat next to him and watched him, not too closely, just to make sure he didn't choke. 

 

Alexander gulped, and set the jug down with force. “Can you stop fucking staring at me?” He snapped, heart pounding in his ears. 

 

“I'm just making sure you're okay,” he said softly, looking down to the counter. 

 

“I'm not going to choke on juice, I'm fine. Just go back to bed okay?” Alex smiled, obviously fake. Burr said nothing, just stood and started walking towards the bedroom.  

 

Alexander exhaled heavily, regret weighing down on him, but he shoved it away and started drinking the juice again.

 

The thoughts were gone for only so long. Alexander was not someone considered self aware, and he didn't have the best ability to reflect on interactions with others. He was left wondering what he did that made his partner so upset. 

 

Screwing the cap back on, he slid the carton back into place and started for the bedroom. 

 

Aaron was laying in his regular spot, room lit with nothing but a salt lamp. Alexander couldn't pinpoint what was causing the guilt to resonate so strongly through his mind. Shutting the door with a soft, audible  _ click! _ , Burr sat up, looking at Alexander with worry. 

 

“Better?” He asked, looking over to check the cgm. 84 and rising, he noticed the color returning to his face. Glancing at the meter, he saw how low his sugar was, it had been much worse before, but it worried him that it didn't wake Alex up. 

 

He nodded slowly. walking to his side of the bed and climbing in slowly. 

 

They sat in silence, and Alexander felt heavier and heavier with each passing second. “I'm sorry I yelled at you,” he whispered.

 

Aaron scooted closer, hands hovering, waiting for approval. Alex nodded and Aaron pulled him flush against him. “It's okay,” 

 

He pressed a soft kiss to the spot of skin just under Alexander's ear, and he felt heat rising up his neck. 

 

Still shaking, he relaxed into Aaron's touch and closed his eyes. Aaron understood him, and he loved him. He didn't know why, but he loved him. He never gave up, he always did what he could. Alexander knew he didn't deserve it. 

 

But he was thankful for someone making life worthwhile, thankful for someone showing him recovery was worth it.

* * *

 


End file.
